Saturday, September 17, 2005

Saturday Night Thoughts

Friday was good. Got up early, went out for breakfast, then went to town to find a tailor to get a skirt taken in. Price for taking in skirt, 95 NIS. That's $21 US. I don't think I paid that much for the skirt. :-) None of my skirts fit, but I will have to think twice which of them I want to keep, and whether it would make more sense to just donate them to someone and buy new ones.

After dropping off the skirt I went to the gym and had a great biceps/hamstrings workout. There's something about deadlifts that improves my mood immensely. The gym was crowded, but not stuffed. Some new Anglo guy had dragged the incline bench to the squat rack so he could do incline presses, and then just left the bench there. I should have asked him if he thought there were little gym elves that re-arrange the benches.

Came home,dropped off gym stuff and went to the Machane Yehuda market, where I got veggies and fruit. I wanted to get whole-wheat challah for Shabbat but the bakery I like had sold out of them. I walked home from the market. I love Friday afternoons, when the streets empty and Jerusalem gets really really quiet in anticipation of Shabbat.

Except for the fact that it's Shabbat, I don't really like Saturdays. I like the peace and quiet and calm, but I don't like my inability to manage my eating. I really need to handle my Saturdays better. I need to go out, take a walk, do anything other than this ridiculous sitting in my room and emerging intermittently to eat. I wish the gym was open on Saturdays... Today I got up late, didn't take in enough water, ate too many carbs, mostly grains and fruit and bira shchora (lit. black beer, but actually this is a non-alcoholic, malt-based, Israeli soft drink). Stuffing myself mindlessly on whole wheat bread and mangoes isn't ok; it's just as stupid as stuffing oneself with junkfood. The reason is the same; to drown my sorrows in sugar...

"What intelligence giveth, a tendency to make bad decisions taketh away." (Found here, in a post that has nothing to do with weight or food.)

Oh hell yes. If I had a dollar for every bad decision I made in my life, just on the education and the weight fronts, I would be a financially stable person right now.

I don't think I spend enough time reflecting on what I've done to get to this point, 45 lbs below my heaviest weight. Part of it is that thinking about the time when I was 45 lbs heavier also means thinking about a lot of painful things I don't really want to think about. Like the wasted years of my life that I can't get back, or my long-established habits of procrastination, of starting things but not finishing them, or to be brutally honest, of starting things and then being too chicken to finish them. Because, I might, you know, fail, or worse, succeed and then there will be all these new expectations to handle... I don't want this strength endeavour to be one of those things I don't finish.

And now I'm going to wrap up this post because I'm too chicken to finish it.


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